The meaning of middle age

A MAYO WOMAN'S DIARY BY BARBARA DALY

I AM turning 49 this week which means I will be entering my 50th year. I can’t quite believe it.

I have been thinking about age a lot lately. About what it means to be ‘middle-aged’.

My mother was the age I am now when she celebrated her silver wedding anniversary with my father. I clearly remember the photos.

My mother was wearing what she would have called a good ‘costume’, support tights and her hair was in its usual permanent wave which she had set every week at the hairdresser.

She had seven children at that stage, ranging in age from nine years (me) to 23 years and she was a full-time housewife. Does all of this make her more middle-aged than I am now?

To be ‘middle-aged’ is often associated with a slowing down and settling in. A few extra pounds, greying hair and a comfortable existence.

Nothing too exciting or taxing, nicely secure. It would be easy to drift into this state as though it were inevitable and I sometimes feel its tug.

I also fear becoming that person. I have two small children, aged five and two years.

I want to be positive, energetic, full of plans and youthful for them for a considerable time yet.

Maybe everyone feels this – the body ages and a certain stereotype creeps up on you, but inside we are always in our 20s or 30s and want to be treated as such.

I feel at odds with my age and I still don’t know how to accept it or how to be. It is probably because the stage I am at in my life – small children, relatively new relationship, early years of a mortgage – is something more often associated with a younger person.

My mother seemed old in all my memories of her. I know all grown-ups seem old to children but what I mean is I always thought that she felt old.

I don’t ever remember my mother as young or youthful or as a person with hopes, plans and ambitions. Different times of course, especially for women.

My children’s memories of me will be from my middle age onwards and I want them to be positive, hopeful, youthful memories.

I don’t want to appear old before I am old and in fact I don’t want to appear old even when I am old.