A Mayo woman's view: The elephant in the obituary

by Barbara Daly

‘Rainy night in Soho’ was one of my all-time favourite songs.

When Shane McGowan passed away recently most people agreed that he was a master lyricist and a creative force. His beautifully crafted words and those aching melodies could leave you in tears.

Yet the coverage of his life and death puzzled me. A person’s life should certainly be celebrated on their death but somehow the way in which his addictions were side-lined did not sit right with me.

Those addictions destroyed him. The last third of his life became a terrible tragic display of what addiction does to a person.

It is not that it takes away from the person he was - it was a part of who he was - yet it felt like the elephant in the room when he died.

I lost my brother to alcoholism when he was a lot younger than Shane McGowan and it was a disturbing, degrading end to a life. It was a part of who Maurice was and unfortunately his death was an unchecked playing out of that part of him.

I never felt the need to hide or deny the reason for his death.

After he died many people preferred not to mention it or actively avoided it in case I was embarrassed or ashamed. Even members of my own family preferred not to use the word ‘alcoholic’.

Addiction is a massive problem in this country and there is nothing glamorous or cool about it. It is horrific in every way and brings a terrible end to a life.

It destroys more than one life, leaving scars on all those left behind. Even those considered ‘functioning addicts’ are quietly destroying lives.

It needs open discussion, treatment and attention. More than that it needs prevention through quality, resourced mental health services from childhood up.

No one should suffer so much that they find themselves in that place.

It is a disease but it can seem selfish and self-inflicted. I remember Shane McGowan being interviewed with his wife a few years back and at that stage he could not speak.

She had to speak for him. I felt desperately sad for her and I felt angry at him for ‘doing’ that to her.

There were many concerts that had to be abandoned because he was not fit to perform. His life looked wretched and the fallout must have been more terrible to watch privately than it was publicly.

It changed the way I regarded him. I had no time for him. I felt he was a disgrace and a terrible example to his fans and to young people.

I felt that he was ‘rockstarring’ addiction and equating it with a glamorous lifestyle.

Now, unfortunately, I know differently. I have seen behind the scenes of addiction in my own family and I would never judge in that way again. There were times when I was angry at Maurice too and railed at his selfishness.

Why didn’t he stick with the treatment? Why was he wasting the precious resources of the health system going in and out of A&E, being picked up in ambulances and then checking himself out?

Why could he not see the damage he was doing to his wife and to our family?

At the end of the day whether a musician, a brother, a son or a husband the outcome is all the same. Loss, pain, anger and sadness.

Nothing more, nothing less.

The cause and the effects of addiction should be spoken about like any other disease.