Justice for the abused

A WOMAN'S VIEW - By Barbara Daly

Domestic abuse and violence against women.

I have felt the need to write about this but I was not sure how. I didn’t particularly want to think about it.

It makes me uncomfortable; its prevalence makes me feel sick.

It is playing on my mind lately as it seems that every way I turn it is being mentioned.

It is very disturbing to think that there are women with whom we work each day, meet at the school gate, at social events and sporting events that have this terrible ‘other’ life.

In fact it is not another life, it is their all-consuming life and everything else must just be an act – putting on a brave face and covering up the awfulness.

To endure the tension, stress, pain and sheer terror of domestic abuse every day in your home must be unbearable.

To watch your children witness it must twist your insides with pain. And to have to find the courage, if you can, to do something about it must seem unimaginable to many.

There seems still so much shame and stigma attached to violence against women, not on those who perpetrate it but on the women.

Why is this the case? Is this one of the things that makes it so hard to speak up, to leave or to seek justice?

The power rests in the hands of the abuser or attacker and unfortunately the supports for women who do want to leave or seek justice are incredibly poor.

Refuge beds are in short supply and only for short term, there is a housing crisis and the cost of living has become so high that the practical logistics which would allow a woman (and often her children) to leave are prohibitive.

On the RTÉ Radio One programme Drivetime last week two incredibly brave women described, not their experiences of violence, but the fight they had to bring their attackers and abuser to justice, another ordeal in itself.

One had been the victim of 12 years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her husband, a Garda, and the other was the victim of a random and very violent attack in a public place in Dublin. The abuser got a six-year jail sentence (though he took away 12 years of his wife’s life) and the attackers got suspended sentences.

The leniency is appalling and pre-historic in its injustice to women, in its devaluing of the safety and rights of women.

It is utterly sickening. To think of what it must have cost both these women to come forward, to testify, to re-live the trauma and lay it out in front of the world. For what?

What hope or example does it give to the many women - our friends, neighbours and even members of our families - who feel trapped by violence and threat?

The two interviewees also spoke about the attitude of many of the professionals they dealt with when they started the long process of trying to get justice.

The belief was often expressed that they would be lucky to get anywhere with their case. That getting any kind of conviction was to be seen as an achievement. How exhausting and demoralising that must have been to listen to and then to have it proven true.

It enrages me to think that women are still being treated in this way.

That so many must be suffering in silence while their abuser goes on with the misguided assurance that they can behave this way and get away with it.

We have to speak louder about this on behalf of all the women who can’t.